Things are getting brighter and better over here. Lad (Who incidentally is sleeping with his head in my lap as I type this - Awwwww) wound up breaking it off with the other girl. She accepted it relatively well, and no drama is good.
I finally updated my resume last night...Although it was just in time for me to wake up this morning with my period, general digestive system unrest, and a horribly scratchy throat all at once. Talk about a triple whammy. By next week I should be handing them out around town and hopefully someone will call me back for an interview. I can hope, right? *Big eyes* Riiiight? I'm hoping for Chapters, but right now I just plain need a job. I need income. I need...I need...I need french toast souffle.
*Pause*
I blame that on Friendly Hostility. I'm craving sweets something fierce right now, largely because of that.
I'm not doing such a great job of sticking to my resolutions so far, but that's my own damn fault.
Yesterday, in a moment of thoughtfulness while I was supposed to be finishing up my resume, I was contemplating exactly what this blog means to me now. I started out intending a sex blog, but it became much more to me. Sure, it's still largely a sex blog, even if I don't exactly follow much of the blogging community very well - Despite having a healthy list of bloggers that I read and check for updates daily, I have no blogroll. I participate in HNT sporadically, and even though sometimes there's a theme of some sort, I pretty much never follow theme. I just like to post naked photos of myself.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Sometimes, my mind screams 'Do things the RIGHT way!', and then I get to sit myself down and remind myself that this is blogging on a personal level. I'm not trying to sell myself or anything else, I'm not doing anything but expressing myself. There is no right or wrong way.
Which makes it okay that I don't post much sexy lately (There's so much angst jam that the sexy sandwich bread is overwhelmed), and that for the past several months most of my posts have been work updates or mindless yelling. It's personal expression, I tell myself. I'm a blogger. Who gives a shit about the 'sex' prefix, I'm not a giant vagina posting my comings and goings, and if I was, the only people reading wouldn't be the kind of people I want to associate myself with. Except during my period, anyone that would read a vagina's rantings about bleeding profusely is my kind of person.
I'm not sure what I'm talking about anymore. All I know is that I was getting somewhere nice and deep, and then my brain went 'Depth? Hah! If I want depth give me pizza!'. I am going to take that as a sign that I should wrap up my ramblings and do something else for a bit.
I'll try to post more often...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Further Update On The Other Girl
I have laid down an ultimatum.
She has a week to stop clinging to Lad and whining whenever he won't put her ahead of me, his family, and his band/close friendships. If she doesn't, I am putting an axe on their relationship.
I am starting to think that, on the romantic side of being open, we would be better off finding someone we're both interested in. Who demonstrates maturity.
I'm so glad I'm not that interested in openness as a way to find a second love to augment Lad and I. I have Techno Sex God, who is disinterested in the romance thing with me, to ensure my high libido doesn't drive me nuts. That is all I need.
She has a week to stop clinging to Lad and whining whenever he won't put her ahead of me, his family, and his band/close friendships. If she doesn't, I am putting an axe on their relationship.
I am starting to think that, on the romantic side of being open, we would be better off finding someone we're both interested in. Who demonstrates maturity.
I'm so glad I'm not that interested in openness as a way to find a second love to augment Lad and I. I have Techno Sex God, who is disinterested in the romance thing with me, to ensure my high libido doesn't drive me nuts. That is all I need.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
*Sigh* Another massive update post. My life fluctuates too fucking much sometimes.
Okay, first off - Oh my god I'm sorry I promised XXXMas postage and less anger. Well, I can't deliver too well on less anger, but here's some XXXMas - And some New Years while I'm at it.
That was indeed Lad's XXXMas present, prior to him receiving it. It looked very similar after receiving, just a lot redder.
On the second, I believe that was. I might be wrong, being jobless and penniless has blurred the days together. But hey, it gave me time to get healthy...And bored...And on occasion...
...Ticked off.
Okay, I enjoy the presence of the other girl. I need to come up with a good name for her. But she's cute, and sweet, and we get along smashing.
But there's a problem.
See, she lives at home, and cannot move out at this point. Her parents are rather intolerant of alternative lifestyles (They call her a slut for kissing Lad - They would shit a brick if they knew that I endorse this, and what I get up to. Imagine what their reactions would be if they knew of the lifestyles some of the people I read religiously have!), and she therefore has to act as a good girl in their eyes. It occasionally escalates to an even more abusive situation. Now, having been avictim survivor of familial physical abuse before, this makes me worry about her. If I could rescue her at this point, I would. I'm very much the Knight In Shining Armor when it comes to my female friends, and I have a very definite tendency to jump to save someone.
But.
I feel she is clinging to Lad. Too much. See, she and I have each other on MSN. At first, this was nifty, aside from the fact that she uses ten bazillion icons, and I...Don't. I use an occasional smilie, because Best Friend managed to get me to loosen up enough, and then I got addicted to nifty ones. She can barely type one sentence without one. But I digress. Lately, when Lad's been working, or has had other plans, such as sleeping because his sleep patterns and his work schedule dislike each other, she has been most insistant that I tell him to get online. Excuse me? He's my fiance, if he is sleeping or partaking activities with me, whether they be screwing my brains out or playing Wii while I watch and be helpful (Or provide him with creative swears), then that is the priority. I am not going to put you over me. I am not going to put you over him getting proper rest.
She needs to find other ways to get the affection and care she deserves without interfering with the way Lad and I work together. I know it's not her intent to hurt us, but this is frustrating me to no end. And I am going to talk to him about this. I know he cares about her, but pandering to her when she wants love and affection without making sure I'm not in need of any at the moment myself is not going to affect us in a healthy way.
The Dumbass made the mistake of trying to get me to prioritize him over Lad. I don't want that to happen on the other side as well.
On a brighter note, my mental outlook on life is improving. I have not felt any urges to hurt myself in over a week. New Years Eve and Day went excellently for me, I spent them with friends and with Lad and we had a blast, all of us. I found my SSN card, so I can now go job-hunting with ease...
...And I reconnected with Techno Sex God, who is interested in reconnecting in that wonderfully sexual way. *Smirky smirk* Life, clingy other girlfriends aside, is looking up.
That was indeed Lad's XXXMas present, prior to him receiving it. It looked very similar after receiving, just a lot redder.
On the second, I believe that was. I might be wrong, being jobless and penniless has blurred the days together. But hey, it gave me time to get healthy...And bored...And on occasion...
...Ticked off.
Okay, I enjoy the presence of the other girl. I need to come up with a good name for her. But she's cute, and sweet, and we get along smashing.
But there's a problem.
See, she lives at home, and cannot move out at this point. Her parents are rather intolerant of alternative lifestyles (They call her a slut for kissing Lad - They would shit a brick if they knew that I endorse this, and what I get up to. Imagine what their reactions would be if they knew of the lifestyles some of the people I read religiously have!), and she therefore has to act as a good girl in their eyes. It occasionally escalates to an even more abusive situation. Now, having been a
But.
I feel she is clinging to Lad. Too much. See, she and I have each other on MSN. At first, this was nifty, aside from the fact that she uses ten bazillion icons, and I...Don't. I use an occasional smilie, because Best Friend managed to get me to loosen up enough, and then I got addicted to nifty ones. She can barely type one sentence without one. But I digress. Lately, when Lad's been working, or has had other plans, such as sleeping because his sleep patterns and his work schedule dislike each other, she has been most insistant that I tell him to get online. Excuse me? He's my fiance, if he is sleeping or partaking activities with me, whether they be screwing my brains out or playing Wii while I watch and be helpful (Or provide him with creative swears), then that is the priority. I am not going to put you over me. I am not going to put you over him getting proper rest.
She needs to find other ways to get the affection and care she deserves without interfering with the way Lad and I work together. I know it's not her intent to hurt us, but this is frustrating me to no end. And I am going to talk to him about this. I know he cares about her, but pandering to her when she wants love and affection without making sure I'm not in need of any at the moment myself is not going to affect us in a healthy way.
The Dumbass made the mistake of trying to get me to prioritize him over Lad. I don't want that to happen on the other side as well.
On a brighter note, my mental outlook on life is improving. I have not felt any urges to hurt myself in over a week. New Years Eve and Day went excellently for me, I spent them with friends and with Lad and we had a blast, all of us. I found my SSN card, so I can now go job-hunting with ease...
...And I reconnected with Techno Sex God, who is interested in reconnecting in that wonderfully sexual way. *Smirky smirk* Life, clingy other girlfriends aside, is looking up.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Oh, god, could it be the weather.
I am now jobless.
I thought it would hurt more. Instead, it feels as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can have my social life, some time to regain my sanity and put myself back in a healthy mental place.
It's been a bit since I last posted.
For about a week in November I had a dominant who wasn't my Lad. I neither desire nor find it appropriate to discuss this, other than to inform you of it, and that I'll refer to him as...I have no idea yet. I'll come up with something.
Writers block is cruel and unusual punishment.
Here, have a photo showing my face as my apology for the briefness of it all.
I thought it would hurt more. Instead, it feels as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can have my social life, some time to regain my sanity and put myself back in a healthy mental place.
It's been a bit since I last posted.
For about a week in November I had a dominant who wasn't my Lad. I neither desire nor find it appropriate to discuss this, other than to inform you of it, and that I'll refer to him as...I have no idea yet. I'll come up with something.
Writers block is cruel and unusual punishment.
Here, have a photo showing my face as my apology for the briefness of it all.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Half Nekkid Green Boots
On a steamy summer day, Lad, A (The vocalist for his band and like a little sister to both of us) and I went down to one of the most happening avenues in town, for no real reason really, I debated buying a hard copy of one of the ten bazillion D&D books i have on my hard drive, decided against it for the time being, and we trotted off to one of the goth shops.
They were having a sidewalk sale with everything outside being half-off.
And that's just where I spotted these - The last pair, for $30, in my size. A perfect fit, and I'd had my eye on them forever, but aside from my winter boots, which my mom paid for and are ridiculous in where they'll take me to the ground, I consider anything over $40 to be out of the question for boots.
And the second Holy Grail Of Boots of the year* was sitting within my grasp and within my budget. I'm no fool - I bought them and did a happy dance all the way to the bus.
I loves my neon green pvc Pleasers, and anyone that tries to get me to part with them shall meet a dire fate.
*The first was a pair of cute Demonia boots in Value Village, for $30, in my size. It has been a good year for my footwear.
Things Are Looking Up - Well, Kind Of
Okay - First, an update on what's going on at work.
The first new girl pulled a no-call-no-show after being late for three out of four training sessions, so I got to keep my regularly scheduled hours, but we have a second new girl now, who actually managed to keep the job (Although my opinion of her ability to keep the merchandise fronted is low, and I'd like it if she would put some communication into the communication book. So, I'm back on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday shifts, but I don't mind as much because...
A) On my first Sunday shift in three months, we made over $900 dollars in sales. Most days we are lucky to haul in $300, some days we don't even get $50. Needless to say, while I detest hauling ass out of bed to go to work on Sundays, I am quite willing to do so if all the Sundays up to the holiday season are so busy.
B) The Lad and I have moved in with his family until spring, when the weather is warm again and we are ready to move. It's taken some adjusting, and means even less frequent sex, but so far so good. Plus, I am somewhat considering taking a week in the early spring to go visit my parents at last.
Our cat seems to have adapted by amping up the cute - We adapted to our cat being suddenly deposited in a household already holding four cats and two dogs by replacing his collar with a harness for ease of grabbing should we need to get him out of any situation.
The first new girl pulled a no-call-no-show after being late for three out of four training sessions, so I got to keep my regularly scheduled hours, but we have a second new girl now, who actually managed to keep the job (Although my opinion of her ability to keep the merchandise fronted is low, and I'd like it if she would put some communication into the communication book. So, I'm back on Sunday-Monday-Tuesday shifts, but I don't mind as much because...
A) On my first Sunday shift in three months, we made over $900 dollars in sales. Most days we are lucky to haul in $300, some days we don't even get $50. Needless to say, while I detest hauling ass out of bed to go to work on Sundays, I am quite willing to do so if all the Sundays up to the holiday season are so busy.
B) The Lad and I have moved in with his family until spring, when the weather is warm again and we are ready to move. It's taken some adjusting, and means even less frequent sex, but so far so good. Plus, I am somewhat considering taking a week in the early spring to go visit my parents at last.
Our cat seems to have adapted by amping up the cute - We adapted to our cat being suddenly deposited in a household already holding four cats and two dogs by replacing his collar with a harness for ease of grabbing should we need to get him out of any situation.
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